Debra Kunz

Valentine’s Day can put a lot of pressure on couples, and gets especially confusing if you aren’t sure where you stand in the relationship. During a television interview on Fox News in Kansas City, I addressed the three big questions you want to know, but are afraid to ask.

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1 – What do I do about Valentine’s Day?

Decide to celebrate or not to celebrate, but make a decision. If you are dating someone, and you want to continue to date them, choose to celebrate. If you are in a relationship, definitely celebrate. Doing nothing says something.

In my experience, the reason people don’t do anything is because they don’t know what to do and they are afraid of doing the wrong thing. Effort is rewarded, and if you are unclear about what to do, keep it simple and go with your Valentine’s favorites such as a restaurant, song, dance or movie.

2 – What does my Valentine expect?

Understanding expectations is really code for “I’m not sure what my Valentine thinks is romantic.” Yes, we love the element of surprise and hoping, just hoping, that he will get it right. But he doesn’t have ESP and neither do we so instead of making each other guess, and putting even more pressure on ourselves, ask. Just be aware that how you ask is the key. For example, “What do you want to do?” in a dull, exasperated tone is not appealing. Instead, smile and ask, “How could we celebrate together?”

The interpretation of what you do is the other issue about expectations. If you just started dating, go with the classics of flowers and a dinner out. If you are serious, or want to be serious, jewelry says you are serious, and it doesn’t need to be a ring.

Regardless of the stage of the relationship, get a card. It’s a chance to express how you feel, and have someone else help you write it. It’s harder to find a card if you just started dating since many of them declare your undying love forever and ever so maybe go with something funny and write a note in it.

3 – What kind of date should I plan?

Do something that matches your sentiment. Recreating your firsts is thoughtful, such as your first date, your first meal, or the first movie you watched together.

Another date could be doing something unexpected. If you usually go out, then stay in for the evening and create a cozy meal together. If you usually stay in, take the time to get dressed up and go out as a special treat.

One of the best gifts is time together. Definitely recognize Valentine’s Day on the day itself, though plan a weekend getaway or a day trip, or get tickets to a concert or ballgame or comedy club. Something you can do together. Obviously, this idea is best if you’ve been dating a while.

Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate your appreciation and connection. The most important thing is to make it meaningful for your Valentine.

Date Deliberately,

Debra

P.S. For tips on finding your Valentine, check out the  Top 5 Tips for Finding Mr. Right.